“Just stay positive!”
“No one wants to be around a Debbie Downer.”
“When you have a bright outlook, nothing can look too dark.”
I know that being negative all the time is no fun for anyone, especially our friends and family. But there are some people who take it upon themselves to act as our positivity coaches, the one that’s going to pull us out of our “funk” (no matter the cost). Then it turns into a boot camp, instead of a counseling session. Every time they speak, the condescension oozes off of them like Slimer from the Ghostbusters. Guess what, I don’t need it! Surprisingly enough, I am a very positive person. If I were not, I wouldn’t be here.
Let me explain something very important (this is mainly for the able bodied people readers, but anyone dealing with chronic pain make sure to pass this along).
If we complained HALF as much as we felt like it, we would never stop! It would be 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. So, when we mention in any small fashion that we’re in pain, we are in extreme pain. Something different is going on that is over and above our typical pain, and it’s so bad that the barrier has been breached. It is to the point that something has to be said. If we don’t say it, we run the risk of everyone saying “Well, why didn’t you say something?!” when we end up in the hospital, can’t work the next day, and so on. So, do NOT blow it off as just another bout of negativity or complaining. It is serious, always!
To all the positivity police out there… stop it, please. I’m not saying to never pass on a positive message, we appreciate it! I’m saying, don’t expect us to never be negative about our condition. It is going to happen, and we have to be able to feel that. We are entitled to our feelings, as you are entitled to yours! My pain has forced me to see the world in a whole new light, and (even though I 100% believe in being positive) I just don’t need anyone else constantly telling me the best way to stay positive. Now, I’m sure I sound like a huge downer, I swear I’m not! I’m upbeat and tend to be a very strong person (I even pass along some of those positive messages on social media sometimes). My point in all this is when someone has chronic pain, the last thing they need is other people forcing a bunch of anti-negative rhetoric at them. Be an ally for people with invisible illness! Be there for them, don’t treat them like their pain is anything less than what it really is… horrible.