So, it’s been a few weeks since my last blog post and I apologize for that. I have had a lot going on in my personal life, but more than that, I have been suffering. I’ve tried to do too much and my body is reminding me why that’s a bad idea. I’m tired. I get a lot of rest, but I’m physically, emotionally, and spiritually tired.
This week is my husband’s 40th birthday, and I wanted to make it special. We don’t celebrate our birthday’s. We have kids… they get parties, not us! But for his 40th, I wanted it to be different. So I set up a very small surprise party, just close family and a fun theme (Lord of the Rings, “Over the UnderHill”). I thought by keeping it small and not going crazy with decorations, I wouldn’t be over-doing it. I was wrong. I’ve spent the last few days practically bed-ridden. It was a fun party and he was surprised, but I have a feeling my days of party planning are over. Which is tough for me, as I LOVE to plan parties! Things may be different once I get my electric wheelchair, but I just don’t know yet.
I also had my 20 year high school reunion a couple weeks ago. It was quite fun and I’m glad I went, but (once again) I over-did it. I took a manual wheelchair (as an electric one was too expensive to rent) and my arms were killing me by the end of the night. Also, the back of my legs hurt horribly! How do people sit in those things without thick cushions? Now I know better! Add to that travel time in the car and sleeping (well, attempting to sleep) on an unfamiliar bed, it was another several days before I “recovered” from that trip.
I’ve started several blog posts within the last few weeks, but nothing has felt “right”. I’m not sure why. I wish I did! As many of my followers know, pain is so much more than just physical distress. These past few weeks, I feel like my pain has engulfed me. I hate that feeling. I’m supposed to be the one helping people through their pain, not hiding my head in the sand whenever I struggle with it myself. But the reality is that I have chronic pain, I’m going to have days and weeks like this. I know that! I also know that I cannot let it drag me down.
So, for all of you out there saying to yourself “No one could possibly be feeling this way!” I hear you! I am there with you! You are not alone!
I’m not going to say the cliche answer of “Just think positively and don’t let the pain win.” That isn’t helpful, I know that. It may be a true statement, but it’s not what we need to hear. We need to hear that people are there for us THROUGH the pain! We need to know that our support system believes our pain is as bad as we say it is. Unfortunately, it doesn’t always work that way.
My hope and prayer for you today is that everyone reading this has someone in your life that understands your pain, and supports you unconditionally. Never take that for granted. (((gentle hugs)))