What does “Ableism” mean to me?

Ableism (officially means)- a set of practices and beliefs that assign inferior value (worth) to people who have developmental, emotional, physical or psychiatric disabilities. But what qualifies anyone to asses these “practices and beliefs”? How has it that ableism has gone unchecked for SO long? This is more than just discrimination against disabled individuals, this is about able-bodied people going out of their way to find fault in our disabilities.

It may not seem like it, but one of the worst forms of ableism is unwanted/unsolicited help. “Help” is a very vague term; sometimes it can mean physically helping someone with a difficult task, this is not the kind of help I am talking about (although there are cases it can be the case). I’m talking specifically about the times that able-bodied people suggest they are helping someone with a disability by giving them “advice” (whether we want it or not).

Let me make this VERY clear… not ONE case of invisible illness is exactly the same. NOT ONE! So, we don’t care if you know someone else with our condition that magically got better (insert enormous eye-roll here), or if you read an article one time that said if we did……. all our pain would disappear. You’re not helping! It’s ableism, whether you are meaning to or not. You’re assuming to understand how we feel, but you don’t, you can’t.

So, how does this factor in to the official definition? Perfectly, that’s how. Unwanted/unsolicited advice is both a belief and practice (on the part of the advisor), because they’re assuming the disabled person does not have the ability to properly care for themselves. When in fact, most people with disabilities are significantly more versed in their illness than most doctors (not necessarily specialists, but it can feel that way sometimes). When anyone without disabilities suggests that they “understand” what we’re going through and offer advice for potential cures, it is like a knife in the back! Unless you are my doctor… I don’t want to hear it!

advice

Another significant issue is people asking if we’re feeling better. No, we’re not and that’s a horrible question! Better than what? Better than when? We’re used to the common “How are you feeling?” it sucks and we have to lie every time, but at least we have an answer for it. Some of us completely lie and say “I’m ok” or “Good”, others say “Fine” and leave it at that. Personally I’ve found that saying “I’m here” is a good way to stop the conversation, without making anyone too uncomfortable. But when someone asks “Are you feeling any better?” I cringe! It’s ableism to assume that I will get better at all. “But don’t you WANT to get better?” I do, of course! But I have an incurable disease… this is not up for dispute. Think before you speak.

If we want to complain, we damn well are allowed to complain! If any able-bodied individuals out there think differently, see ya. Does this mean no one else can complain about anything else, of course not! But do NOT compare your headache to my chronic migraines. Never compare your back pain to my dislocated ribs and curved spine. Don’t say “I know how you feel” until you’ve been diagnosed with something comparable. Period.

I’ve been a little harsh today, more so than usual, but for good reason. The disabled community deserves to be heard and have our rights upheld! Let’s put an end to ableism!!!

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