When exhaustion takes hold and nothing helps.

I have had an intense week. Doctor appointments, teacher conferences, more doctor appointments (for my kids), and a much needed (but draining) haircut. I even had the whole week off to take care of everything I had to do, but I still found my strength insufficient. To the point I laid down yesterday for a nap and four hours later couldn’t imagine getting back up, my stomach had other plans though. After lunch, I went back to bed and slept more. Do I feel rested today? No way. I still feel like I need to sleep all day, but I’m back at work… so no nap today.

I get so tired (pun intended) of people telling me how to deal with my fatigue. I’ve heard it all! “Get to bed earlier”, “take … supplement”, “drink … you’ll get the best sleep ever”. But it’s not that simple! Even caffeine is not a cure all, in fact it’s really bad for people with chronic pain. It’s a pain stimulant! Have you ever had a headache and took caffeine to get rid of it? That’s because you’re body is craving it and going through with drawl, so drinking it takes the pain away. But it doesn’t last. I had to ween myself off caffeine several years ago because of chronic migraines, and it really did help. I’m not here to say “Don’t drink coffee!” I’m just addressing the fact. Anyway, I’m getting off point.

I wish we still had nap time. Remember in kindergarten? We’d roll out our mats and lay down for a while, some of us would sleep, others would talk and play around. It’s truly a lost art form! Resting has become almost a joke. If an adult takes a nap, they’re labeled as lazy. When in reality, it’s so good for us! Don’t get me wrong, there are some people that can’t handle naps. If they sleep at all during the day, they can’t sleep at night. I get that. I could stay up all day long and still not sleep at night. But then take a four hour nap some other day and go to bed early that same night. I would just love it if naps were more widely accepted as a therapeutic tool.

Even still, naps aren’t the end-all-be-all answer to everything. More studies need to be done on insomnia and chronic fatigue syndrome! Sleep is such a vital part of everyday life, to go without it is debilitating. It’s why we have such a huge market for coffee and energy drinks, no one is getting enough sleep! Add to that all the people with auto-immune disorders and other invisible illnesses, there’s no end to the impact lack of sleep has on our society.

This post probably sounded like rambling and I apologize for that. I’m very tired.

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My Pain is Being a PILL!

***Fair Warning! I wrote this at 2:30 am… really hoping it makes sense!***

 

What happens when you think you took your medication, but might not have? Well, that’s a crazy question, because you’re meticulous about putting every pill in each days slot of the weekly medication holder, so why wouldn’t each pill be in each slot? Good question! One could deduce that a random fairy or gnome stopped by and noticed I had left Sunday mornings pill box open, so they decided to rummage through to find a……. ok I’m over making up stupid stuff. I messed up! Somehow I didn’t put my pain pill, my most important (well, to me) medication into the Sunday morning slot in my pill box. When did I notice this? Sunday evening when I could barely move the pain was so intense. I had chalked it up to the weather being bad, which does usually set me into flare mode, but this was different. By night I was shaky and my temp wouldn’t regulate, I knew that feeling… withdrawal. I hadn’t had my pain pill! What the holy hell! It was time (anyway) to get my pills set out for the next week, so I got started on that and took a pain pill (which I don’t usually do in the evening, but it wasn’t a “usual” kind of night). After making a 1000 percent sure every pill was in every slot, I took my evening pills and prayed that I could get to sleep at a decent hour. That was at 11 pm, it is now 2:30 am. Now, just to give you an idea how bad that is… I take multiple sleeping pills and supplements that are supposed to knock me out because of my terrible insomnia. Still awake.

People get on my case for how many prescriptions I take, but what they don’t understand is that those meds are the culmination of the research that companies have put into that which I am suffering from. Yes, there are side-effects! Yes, I take that risk upon myself when I take that drug. Yes, I would prefer to have anther viable alternative (but as of right now it is not legal in the state I live in). So, for now I will do what my doctor tells me to do and take my 15 prescription medications and 7 vitamins/supplements that I know based on research have helped some people in my situation. I will not reduce myself to snake-oil because it “cured” a bunch of people (which is a statistical impossibility). I can’t help being a realist, it’s just who I am. I look at things how they are, not how they could be. So, how things are for me… I need these medications to function on a daily basis. If I do not take them on a daily basis, I cannot function.

Like today.